Hmmmmm….

Lots of discussion on capability this past week, a lot of things that were said struck chords to varying degrees.

I’m not a well person, and I don’t just mean right now. Over the years I have suffered from depression, anxiety, post viral fatigue (many times), vertigo, and then there’s the ongoing trouble with endometriosis which I’ve suffered with since I was in my teens. I also have allergies and a herniated lumbar disc….. None of these things are life threatening, but they have all been (and some still are) life limiting.

Right now I’m suffering with undiagnosed pain, we dunno what is causing it. Some days, things are pretty OK. I’ve even, in the last 2 weeks, had 2 mainly pain free days (without resorting to pain pills). Some days are really bad, I take the pills and take to the sofa with a duvet. Then there are the in between days, the days where the pain is there but I can ignore it a bit. I pace myself, I put off taking pain pills so that I can still function properly. The diclofenac builds up in my system, so one day of taking them isn’t bad but by the third day, I’m pretty much a sleepy space cadet, the codeine, these days mostly makes me feel sick, which the pain does as well..

Some days I can do stuff, some days I can’t. Some days I can face seeing/talking to people, some days I can’t. It does make it pretty hard to be friends, nobody is ever sure if you will be able to do stuff, arranging to do stuff is difficult as nobody including yourself knows how you will be feeling on any given day. People can also just assume that you won’t be able, so they don’t ask you to do stuff at all.

Today, I am grateful for the spur of the moment invitation to meet up with someone, that they asked knowing full well I might have to say no, but still asked I’m also grateful that I was able to go. I think I might try not to concentrate so much on the things I can’t do, I’d much prefer to enjoy the things that I can.

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