The day knitting happened.

Yup, I know you doubt me, but it’s true. I knitted today.

Things have been off kilter for a while, as not just with my knitting. My brain hasn’t been working properly. It still isn’t to be honest, and it has caused chaos. Work has suffered, to the extent that two weeks ago I resigned.
I had spent the weekend before having anxiety induced chest pains and panic attacks. It was the culmination of about a month of making errors, having memory problems, suffering insomnia, and getting more and more upset and anxious. All of these things spiralled and fed off each other until the tension built up in my chest. The pain was so intense, if I hadn’t known it was anxiety, I’d have thought I was having a heart attack. It crept up my chest to my neck and at that point I had to lie down. I couldn’t move for about five minutes. And afterwards I felt like I had pulled a muscle or three. At that point my decision was made. I couldn’t continue on the same path. I needed to step away.

Currently not working. Anxiety has reduced, but not gone. Insomnia is better, but not gone. Depression lingers, as depression is wont to do.

All of this is a consequence of changing my HRT (with possibly a detour via post surgery/anaesthesia effects). In the next few days I get a new set of hormones to try. Half of me is hopeful that this will be my fix. The other half dreads that this will make things worse.

Time will tell.


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Filed under knitting, not crafty

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