Tag Archives: therapy

Goodness Gracious

Not so Long ago I posted some pictures of some Silk Garden. I loved it on the ball, but hated the knitted fabric it made.

You will also recall that I was using my Aran wt Heb to knit a Katarina

I liked it knit, but the fabric was really dense and I wasn’t convinced that it was right for a Katarina. I was poking about on Ravelry to see if I could either find my Silk Garden colourway knit into something nice, or something I could knit with it that might look nice. I went through pages and pages and the only things that really caught my eye were the ones that used Noro and a plain yarn. My head went in to Overdrive. On Wednesday morning I cast on the basic chunky cardigan from Knitting Noro using the Silk Garden and the Heb, alternating 2 rows of each.

By Wednesday evening I had the back and one front completed. I cast on the second front, but decided bed was the best option. By Thursday evening I had the other front finished, and both sleeves. Today (Friday) I sewed it all up, knitted the neck and front welts and then went shopping for buttons. Having blocked it gently with the iron, I sewed on buttons and put it on. All done..

The fact that I made a garment, ball to back, in less than 3 days is pretty amazing for me, but that it took so little yarn – 9x50g balls – is MORE amazing. I still have 350g of each yarn left, more than enough to knit something else.

*plots*

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I have totally got my Mojo going

This may be taking me a bit of time to knit, and I don’t really feel like I am getting anywhere fast (I’m only on my 6th pattern repeat, even though I knit LOADS yesterday) but I am so enjoying knitting this shawl. I know that each row has a few more stitches and that that means each row takes slightly longer than the last, therefore I get *less* done in the same amount of time.. but I actually don’t care how fast this is growing. I get a certain amount of satisfaction at the end of each pattern repeat, and it just spurs me on to do the next.

The Manos is doing it’s usual seeming to knit for miles, and I totally love the fact that I know where I am in the pattern all the time, and I’ve even managed to fix a couple of mistakes without ripping it back. I have eschewed a lifeline (for this project) as I constantly check my progress. If I go a bit wonky I usually spot it within a few stitches and can sort it out right there and then.

Right back off to the knitting (you know I have been so caught up in this, I haven’t even watched Caprica yet).

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Lace & Concentration.

Sometimes when we’re stressed or worried about something, we choose to knit something simple. After the fire, I put away chevrons, lace edging, and knitting that needed any thought at all. I needed *mindless* stocking and garter. I chose a pattern I could pick up and put down easily, something that let me just slip off in to the meditation of knitting. Therapy.

Lately, in my current *stress*, I tried mindless. I started new projects of much stocking stitch, only to find that they weren’t lulling me , and making me feel relaxed. The garter stitch scarf was a nice way to pass a day, but I was impatient for it to be finished. To be perfectly honest these projects let me think too much. I needed harder knitting.

Last night as I was fidgeting my way round the laptop folders, I found a pdf I didn’t recognise. Unless the cat has been downloading things, it *must* be mine.. thing is it’s a lace shawl… *has the fear*. I remember the agony of trying to get a lowly lace border knitted on the Emeralds & Garnets. Having discovered the horror of what the pdf contained, and having had a lie down in a darkened room and some hot sweet tea to soothe my nerves, I had a look at it again (through hands over my eyes) and amazingly, I didn’t have to take a tranquilizer, not even a beta blocker. I found myself reading the pattern and thinking “that doesn’t look too bad”.

I resisted the urge to call the men in the white coats, instead I picked up some needles and yarn, I YouTubed a provisional cast on and I started knitting. I am ashamed, and somewhat terrified, to admit I liked it. My head was too full of Yarn Overs, SKPs and K2togs to think about anything else.

I think the cat was pretty shocked at the swearing and shouting. I unknit, I reknit, I cursed, I called upon the Knitting Gods to intervene and, at 3am, when I was just about to cry and throw my knitting against the wall, I finished my row and I had the right number of stitches, not only that, they all seem to be in the right places. A Knitting Miracle had occurred! Not only that but it continued, I knit another 4 rows and STILL had the right number and they still seemed to be in the right places. I had overcome my Lace Knitting Phobia!

I guess I should share the pattern… it’s the Kiri shawl by  Polly Outhwaite at All Tangled Up. I decided to knit it in my Manos Silk Blend as that was what I had to hand and the Leo colourway is nicely autumnal for a leaf pattern.

*liked the post the interwebs ate better than this one*

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Brothers and sisters I have been saved…

Praise be to the Yarn Gods! For they sent my parcel astray and it ended up where and when it was most useful.

I arrived at the flat today to find the Dazzle I’d ordered from Ecoknits… I had actually asked Kriss to send it to mum’s but she’d missed the instruction, and to be honest I think it was for the best (esp since it fitted through the letterbox so I didn’t need to go and collect it). I have now cast on the berry hat (Raspberry Baby Beret) and I feel much better about life now I have yummy yarn to play with.

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Knitting is like therapy.

Knitting calms me when I feel edgy, the feel of the yarn and the concentration can send me in to a kind of meditative state. The repetitive motion lulls me, lets my mind wander and frees it from worrying.

I realised why I reached for my knitting today after all this time, I needed that space. Someone really managed to push my buttons the other day and not in a good way. This person barely knew me, but the level of vitriol they levelled at me was quite amazing. Throughout the most part I actually felt I stayed quite calm and reasonable, but I think that actually drove them even more over the edge. In the end I just wondered why I was continuing to even try to remain a part of that community. This person’s actions just made me realise that you can’t go back, no matter how much you want to, or even want to want to. In that moment I acted a little rashly, I deleted a website. I was the owner, I was within my rights to remove it. I know that it will have had a huge effect on the other people who used it, which I am sorry for, but I needed  to get rid of all connection to that part of my life.

Still I feel sad, I’ll never be a part of that *something* I created again. So I’ll knit it all into this, my negative Smoke Alarm Cardi. It has all the frustration of the fire and it’s aftermath woven through it, and now all my sadness and anger over this loss too.

I wonder if I’ll ever be able to wear it?

Or maybe I will look at it and see, not all the bad things that happened during it’s inception, but the strength it took to do what I needed to do and get through it.

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